Do you struggle with constant thoughts of how to get your ex back? Do you find it virtually impossible to emotionally set free a person who dumps you? Unfortunately, you have lots of company.

Freeing a person we’ve been in love with is challenging. And even though that’s human nature, the experience doesn’t get any easier no matter how many times we have to repeat it. At the core, the line that separates a normal desire to reconcile from an obsession grows thin. And stepping across the line adds misery on top of the initial pain.

How can you tell if your feelings for your ex have crossed the line? Your mindset is a good indicator of how well you’re navigating the emotional minefield.

Do you replay your breakup over and over, every waking moment, amid overwhelming desires to force an immediate solution? This level of intensity points toward potential risk. Is developing a friendship with your ex before trying to reconnect on a physical level the focus of your thoughts? This attitude is more likely to be successful.

Strategies proven to work in repairing breakups are more successful for those with the latter mindset. Plans you’re apt to formulate if your thoughts have become obsessive may, in fact, cause the gap to widen between you and your ex. Efforts to build a strong relationship serve as a great foundation for winning back your lost love.

Don’t rush into things, however. Any separation, regardless which of you asked for it, will create emotional devastation for both members of a couple. If he was the one who did the dumping, he has to process his guilt from the breakup before he’s ready to be won back. In the opposite situation, he will need to heal his anger and hurt.

You’ll both benefit from time apart. The distance will better equip the two of you to rebuild a long-lasting relationship if you then gradually close the gap and get your ex back.

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